Lay Down and be Buried Already
Foxnews had a story today about a Malaysian man that the state declared dead 4 1/2 years ago that is still upright and breathing very well thank you. Bureaucracy at its finest. But the story got me to thinking, how many more people out there are walking around that don't know that they are dead. I've composed a short list of the top ten likely candidates.
10. Keith Richards - Keith actually died about 10 years ago but his body is so medicated that it may take another 20 years for it to stop functioning.
9. James Carville - I know that his body puts up a good front with his energetic appearances on TV. But if you look closely you can see that he is actually just a skeleton covered with skin.
8. Keith Olbermann - If you examine the currency of his ideas, Olbermann's brain stopped functioning shortly after he left ESPN. It's just a matter of time until the rest of the body gives up the fight. Sad.
7. Larry King - Another example of a dead ideology. His 1980's wardrobe suggests that Larry may have kicked the bucket a right after Mork and Mindy went off of the air.
6. Michael Moore - I'm not sure when Moore died. Excess deposits of energy are sufficient to sustain the appearance of life for 15-20 years or more. Main deposits appear to be around the waist and between the ears. We can probably expect 3-4 more movies with no basis in fact.
5. Dan Rather - Dan died a very public death at CBS. The hiring of a "perky" host suggests that the bigs at the tiffany network thought that Dan was dead long before he was moved out. It looked like he had been resuscitated at 60 minutes II but he died there too. He now has a rare opportunity to die again at HDNet.
4. John Murtha - The ex-Marine died shortly after his Viet Nam service. He has now been possessed and inhabited by an idiotic slave to the Democratic Party. It may take an exorcism for the body to give up its ghost.
3. Nancy Pelosi - Nancy died some time ago on a plastic surgeon's operating table. He tried to cover up his malfeasance by surgically forcing her eyes to stay open. Unfortunately this does not prevent her ideas from sounding like they were the final words of a dying zombie.
2. Al Gore - Gore is technically not dead yet. Global warming has caused selected parts, primarily cognitive, of Al's brain to die. His political career died in Dade County, Florida in 2000. It's just a matter of time for the rest of the brain to die and the body to soon follow suit.
1. Helen Thomas - Helen's relevancy died decades ago and it appears that decomposition has set in. Minions follow her around with a lily and a soft pillow.
10. Keith Richards - Keith actually died about 10 years ago but his body is so medicated that it may take another 20 years for it to stop functioning.
9. James Carville - I know that his body puts up a good front with his energetic appearances on TV. But if you look closely you can see that he is actually just a skeleton covered with skin.
8. Keith Olbermann - If you examine the currency of his ideas, Olbermann's brain stopped functioning shortly after he left ESPN. It's just a matter of time until the rest of the body gives up the fight. Sad.
7. Larry King - Another example of a dead ideology. His 1980's wardrobe suggests that Larry may have kicked the bucket a right after Mork and Mindy went off of the air.
6. Michael Moore - I'm not sure when Moore died. Excess deposits of energy are sufficient to sustain the appearance of life for 15-20 years or more. Main deposits appear to be around the waist and between the ears. We can probably expect 3-4 more movies with no basis in fact.
5. Dan Rather - Dan died a very public death at CBS. The hiring of a "perky" host suggests that the bigs at the tiffany network thought that Dan was dead long before he was moved out. It looked like he had been resuscitated at 60 minutes II but he died there too. He now has a rare opportunity to die again at HDNet.
4. John Murtha - The ex-Marine died shortly after his Viet Nam service. He has now been possessed and inhabited by an idiotic slave to the Democratic Party. It may take an exorcism for the body to give up its ghost.
3. Nancy Pelosi - Nancy died some time ago on a plastic surgeon's operating table. He tried to cover up his malfeasance by surgically forcing her eyes to stay open. Unfortunately this does not prevent her ideas from sounding like they were the final words of a dying zombie.
2. Al Gore - Gore is technically not dead yet. Global warming has caused selected parts, primarily cognitive, of Al's brain to die. His political career died in Dade County, Florida in 2000. It's just a matter of time for the rest of the brain to die and the body to soon follow suit.
1. Helen Thomas - Helen's relevancy died decades ago and it appears that decomposition has set in. Minions follow her around with a lily and a soft pillow.
There you go. Are there more?
Labels: You've Got To Be Kidding Me
posted by Moneyman at 1:12 PM
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