Now That's Torture

The NYT reported yesterday that the CIA stripped Abu Zabaydah naked and used blaring Red Hot Chili Peppers music to coerce information from him. Information that led to the arrest of Kalid Sheikh Muhammad. Personally I think a lot more effective means could have been used. Here are some of my ideas:

Use anything by Barry Manilow. 24 hours of Mandy will have the subject screaming to confess

Play Rod Stewart's "Tonight's the Night" and keep sending big hairy bubbas into his cell to leer at him, smile, and then leave

Play all of the "Sweatin to the Oldies" series

Play the Godfather theme until he believes that he is going to join Luca Brazzi

Bring in Christopher Lowell to redecorate his cell

Play any song recorded by William Shatner. It will only take one

Use David Hasselhof's "Looking for Some Freedom"

Loop endless reruns of "The Osbornes." Then make him write down two complete sentences that Ozzy used

Play Tim Curry's "I'm So #^&*$ Lonely, I could die"

Show "Muslim Girls Gone Wild"

Play David Lee Roth's "Don't Mess With My Tootoot"

Play Bill Clinton playing the saxaphone

Send in Janet Reno to snuggle with him

Follow that with Madeline Albright

And then Helen Thomas

Make him stand in for Tony Snow at a White House press conference

Make him watch every second of "Napoleon Dynamite" until he breaks


Or we could just ask nicely and trust him to truthfully tells us what we need to know.