Will Sheryl Crow Ever Get Another Date?

Will Sheryl Crow ever get another date? I admit that I’m not exactly up to speed on Hollywood relationships but does this explain why Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow split up? This has been out there for about a week but it just won’t go away. Sheryl “I’m not skanky” Crow has proposed using just one square of toilet paper when using the bathroom.

There was no immediate clarification if this was using two-ply or if you have to separate the squares. I also don’t know how to factor in quilted paper. This is essentially two-ply pressed together by a pattern. Is using quilted cheating? If your finger penetrates the square are you allowed to use paper towels to dry your hands after you wash them? If I plant a tree can I count the carbon and toilet paper offset?

It is evident that Ms. Crow hasn’t thought this thing out. Actually, it looks like she doesn’t spend much time in thought at all. Perhaps her imagination was chemically induced. I don’t know. One thing I do know, if I ever get the opportunity to be around Sheryl Crow I’m going to stand upwind.