More Chumps than Champs

I’m a life-long St Louis Cardinals fan. I attended my first game when I was six weeks old. I own more red shirts than any other color, despite that being the color of our biggest football rival (I coach high school football). I understand that the word fan derived from “fanatic”. My wife thinks I’m crazy. I’m good with that.

Last night, the Cards looked more like the Cubs than defending champs. To those on the north side of Chicago, “champs” is what they call the team that wins those extra baseball games in October while your team is golfing. Last night was pathetic. Bernie Miklasz of the StL Post-Dispatch nails it. The outfield couldn’t start for the brewery intramural team.

So Taguchi seemed shocked that the Mets would even dare to hit the ball to him. Why wouldn’t they? Apparently his World Series ring interfered with his ability to hold onto the baseball. Perhaps it was too heavy. He looked like a reject from “Dancing With the Stars” as he circled routine flies in left field Sunday night. I know he only had one official error but his “I got it, No I don’t, Yes I do, Where is it, Oops” tracking of Delgado’s warning track fly was easily catchable and it set the tone for the game. Not satisfied with a near-miss, Taguchi must have forgotten that you have to actually catch the ball in the 6th inning. Fortunately there weren’t any runners on base to get some conditioning in by running the bases.

Taguchi wasn’t the only Cardinal experiencing flat-line brain activity. Why in the world was Chris Carpenter throwing a first pitch fastball right down the middle to Alou, who has a reputation for being one of the best first pitch fastball hitters in the game? Why didn’t LaRussa sub Duncan for the inept fielding Taguchi? Why can’t Carpenter bunt? I know Tom Glavine is a future Hall of Fame pitcher but hitting into four double plays is inexcusable. If the redbirds hope to have any chance of repeating, they had better get their minds out of Florida and into St Louis. Hopefully they’ll do it by Tuesday night.

Nancy Gets Tough

National embarrassment Nancy Pelosi has decided to export her lunacy. This past week she traveled to Israel and now heads to Syria. After trying to ensure the defeat of our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan, she is now in the Middle East making an ass of herself over there. The State Department did not want the delegation to go because Syria is a state sponsor of terrorism.

But their fears are unfounded. Ms. Pelosi will be welcomed as a co-patriot in the cause against the Great Satan – the U.S. Despite Muslim enmity toward women, they won’t pass up the opportunity to use her visit in their propaganda campaign against President Bush. It was reported on CNS News that Ms. Pelosi will carry a message to Syria from Israel. I can hear the conversation between her and Assad:

NP: Bashar, I want you to understand that I believe that you are a good man.

BA: Why thank you Nancy (you mangy dog)

NP: What?

BA: Nothing. You were saying?

NP: You are going to get a kick out of this. I asked Olmert if there was a message that I could pass on to you and he said, “Renounce terrorism and stop preparing for war.” I told him that you weren’t a terrorist; that Bush is the real terrorist but it was almost as if he didn’t believe me.

BA: We know who the real terrorist is. I can assure you that I’m not a terrorist and I don’t support terrorism in any way. (infidel)

NP: Huh?

Low-level Minion: Excuse me Mr. President, your tour of the new IED training facility is in 10 minutes.

BA: Thank you Abdul. Nancy I must go. We are opening up a new college for underprivileged teenagers. It’s an innovative concept. They don’t even have to complete high school to be accepted. Perhaps someday you can experience it personally.

NP: I’d love to. I always try to support the less fortunate you know.