Saturday, September 23, 2006

OBL Pushing Up Daisies?

I don't know. I find it hard to believe. The French have an intelligence agency? Anytime the country that inspired Inspector Clouseau comes out with a leaked intelligence report, I'm gonna need a little more thank you.

Giving credence to the report however is the fact that Chirac is miffed. Apparently the report didn't make GWB look bad enough.

I would love nothing more than to see OBL as fertilizer in a hole somewhere. But I'm skeptical until we have solid proof.

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Don't Mess With Texas - Or Our Kids

This is how real men are supposed to protect our families. Don't mess with Texas.

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Friday, September 22, 2006

A Little Help for the CIA

Finally, the pompous crowing from the cocks of the Senate has ended and they have agreed to a bill defining interrogation methods. It’s a good thing that congress is doing this and not me. I would probably allow anything short of killing the murderous Islamonuts and get in lots of trouble.

But I noticed that there wasn’t a whole lot of specificity what was made public about the bill. Maybe we could draw on someone else’s expertise and define what should be allowed. I say that we take a couple of ideas from Joe Arpaio, the great sheriff of Maricopa County, Arizona. A while back I posted ways that I think would be effective in questioning terrorists. Here’s what I bet Joe would do:

Take away all cultural headwear. A hat without a brim serves no purpose anyway.

Enforce the two showers per day rule. Administered by the Gitmo Fire Department.

Change jumpsuit color from orange to pink. Orange doesn’t show enough sensitivity.

Insert a page at the end of each chapter in their government-issued Korans with a drawing of Jesus’ likeness with the caption “The real Son of the Real God”

Fix all of the TVs to only show the Lifetime network

Have the guards wear “I had your virgins last night” t-shirts

Cook all meals in bacon grease. If they get hungry enough, they will eat.

Have questioners pick their nose and wipe it on the terrorists during questioning

Make them read cat-blogging

Play looped Wham! Music

Show them pictures of Barbara Streisand (ewwwwww)

Make them write the transcripts to Ted Kennedy’s speeches

Give the terrorists a “beef stew”

Bring in Janet Reno to let them know that she is a virgin

Maybe we could just bring in Joe Arpaio as grand inquisitor

Any other ideas?

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Thursday, September 21, 2006

I Agree with Bolton

The blogshpere has erupted over the Chavez speech. Ambassador Bolton was correct. We don't need to respond to this comic strip dictator. Or his butt monkey Amanutjob.


The lovely SarahK has called for a boycott of Venezuelan owned Citgo. Here are some other things that we could do:

We switch the shampoo in his courtesy hotel bottles to Preparation H

Send Pee Wee Herman to his next speech and whenever Chavez pauses he yells "I know you are but what am I?"

Everytime he says "my country" in a speech, we have Donny Osmond jump up and sing "And I'm a little bit rock and roll."

Have the CIA paint cartoons of Muhammad on the side of the Venezuelan Presidential Palace.

We deport Norm Chomsky to Venezuela

Start filming "The View" in Caracas

Hook him up with Rosie O'Donnell

Squirt him in the crotch with water pistols at his next televised speech

Lock him in a room with Terrell Owens for a couple of weeks

Change the translation of all his speeches: " I love America. George Bush is Hot! I just farted on Noam Chomsky's book. Doesn't the president of Iran look like an advertisement for evolution or what? I used to have really bad acne until I tried Acne Statin. I'm just a two bit dictator. Fat chicks rule!"

Laugh at him.

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IMAO Rocks Again

Two of my favorite bloggers are the immortal FrankJ and SarahK. Today they both have outdone themselves at IMAO. Check it out.

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Monday, September 18, 2006

Remember

My best friend's unit lost three people last week in Iraq. While we mourn the loss of valiant Americans, we honor their life, sacrifice, and mission. Each of the soldiers were volunteers. No one came at gunpoint and forced them into the military or even to go on the missions that claimed their lives. They chose to take the war to our enemies rather than have our enemies bring it to us.

Today, remember their families and friends in prayer. I include here the comments of Judge William Young at the sentencing of Shoe bomber Richard Reid. They have been on the internet for a couple of years but we need to never let them disappear from our memory. The brave people who gave their lives did it to provide freedom for the Iraqi people and to preserve the freedom of the citizens of the United States of America. We are truly a nation of heroes.

31 Jan 2003

JUDGE WILLIAM YOUNG: Mr. Richard C. Reid, hearken now to the sentence the Court imposes upon you.

On counts 1, 5 and 6 the Court sentences you to life in prison in the custody of the United States Attorney General. On counts 2, 3, 4 and 7, the Court sentences you to 20 years in prison on each count, the sentence on each count to run consecutive one with the other. That's 80 years.

On Count 8 the Court sentences you to the mandatory 30 years consecutive to the 80 years just imposed. The Court imposes upon you on each of the eight counts a fine of $250,000 for the aggregate fine of $2 million.

The Court accepts the government's recommendation with respect to restitution and orders restitution in the amount of $298.17 to Andre Bousquet and $5,784 to American Airlines.
The Court imposes upon you the $800 special assessment.

The Court imposes upon you five years supervised release simply because the law requires it. But the life sentences are real life sentences so I need not go any further.

This is the sentence that is provided for by our statutes. It is a fair and a just sentence. It is a righteous sentence. Let me explain this to you.

We are not afraid of any of your terrorist co-conspirators, Mr. Reid. We are Americans. We have been through the fire before. There is all too much war talk here. And I say that to everyone with the utmost respect.

Here in this court where we deal with individuals as individuals, and care for individuals as individuals, as human beings we reach out for justice.

You are not an enemy combatant. You are a terrorist. You are not a soldier in any war. You are a terrorist. To give you that reference, to call you a soldier gives you far too much stature. Whether it is the officers of government who do it or your attorney who does it, or that happens to be your view, you are a terrorist.

And we do not negotiate with terrorists. We do not treat with terrorists. We do not sign documents with terrorists.

We hunt them down one by one and bring them to justice.

So war talk is way out of line in this court. You're a big fellow. But you're not that big. You're no warrior. I know warriors. You are a terrorist. A species of criminal guilty of multiple attempted murders.

In a very real sense Trooper Santiago had it right when first you were taken off that plane and into custody and you wondered where the press and where the TV crews were and you said you're no big deal. You're no big deal.

What your counsel, what your able counsel and what the equally able United States attorneys have grappled with and what I have as honestly as I know how tried to grapple with, is why you did something so horrific. What was it that led you here to this courtroom today? I have listened respectfully to what you have to say. And I ask you to search your heart and ask yourself what sort of unfathomable hate led you to do what you are guilty and admit you are guilty of doing.
And I have an answer for you. It may not satisfy you. But as I search this entire record it comes as close to understanding as I know.

It seems to me you hate the one thing that to us is most precious. You hate our freedom. Our individual freedom. Our individual freedom to live as we choose, to come and go as we choose, to believe or not believe as we individually choose.

Here, in this society, the very winds carry freedom. They carry it everywhere from sea to shining sea. It is because we prize individual freedom so much that you are here in this beautiful courtroom. So that everyone can see, truly see that justice is administered fairly, individually, and discretely.

It is for freedom's seek that your lawyers are striving so vigorously on your behalf and have filed appeals, will go on in their, their representation of you before other judges. We care about it. Because we all know that the way we treat you, Mr. Reid, is the measure of our own liberties.
Make no mistake though. It is yet true that we will bear any burden; pay any price, to preserve our freedoms.

Look around this courtroom. Mark it well. The world is not going to long remember what you or I say here. Day after tomorrow it will be forgotten. But this, however, will long endure. Here, in this courtroom, and courtrooms all across America, the American people will gather to see that justice, individual justice, justice, not war, individual justice is in fact being done.

The very President of the United States through his officers will have to come into courtrooms and lay out evidence on which specific matters can be judged, and juries of citizens will gather to sit and judge that evidence democratically, to mold and shape and refine our sense of justice.
See that flag, Mr. Reid? That's the flag of the United States of America. That flag will fly there long after this is all forgotten. That flag still stands for freedom. You know it always will. Mr. Custody Officer. Stand him down.

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